Every December, America becomes a snow-globe of performative holiness. There’s menorahs in town squares, nativity scenes fighting for turf with inflatable snowmen, politicians screaming “WAR ON CHRISTMAS” while sending fundraising emails from their gold-plated bathrooms — and every idiot with a Facebook account suddenly becomes a constitutional scholar. So let me clear something up before […]

Straight men deny everything except the obvious: their favorite hobby is touching each other while yelling at other men on TV. Call it what you want — I'm calling a penalty for holding. It's gay as fuck.